Well I’m not going to lie to you. I had my concerns being assigned to two “rookie” parents, but my agent assured me I was in good hands. After all Mom came from a family of 11 kids, 9 of whom were younger than her and Dad had ten younger nieces and nephews so while they had never played on the professional stage before they had plenty of good experience in the amateur ranks. And if things got too bad there were plenty of veteran grandparents and aunts who could step in on an “as needed” basis.
Well things started out pretty good and I was pretty happy with my situation. Mom and Dad were doing a great job and I really noticed the great chemistry they had when working as a team for my feedings/diaper changes/etc. Even though Dad had threatened to hold out on his diaper changing responsibilities he was usually the first person on the scene and was glad to work with mom to give me a hand when nature came a calling.
In fact he was doing so good that she felt comfortable stepping out to the bathroom for a few minutes as Dad was bringing me up to the changing table. I could see the determination in Dad’s eye and could tell he wasn’t going to wait for Mom on this one.
Well as you learned earlier in my delivery synopsis I came out of the gates firing on all cylinders and made sure that all the plumming was in tact and functioning properly. Well I heard the nurses telling my parents that they were concerned that it had been over 24 hours and hadn’t “watered the bushes” since I came out. Little did they know I was just waiting for an opportune time to test my parent’s true skill level and to make sure I had a good sense of what I was getting into before I let the Doctor sign the discharge notice.
Well I didn’t really buy the “nephews and nieces” story as I was pretty sure Dad probably didn’t change too many diapers in his backup role as Uncle. So as soon as he opened my diaper I decided to give him a little surprise and see how he handled the situation. Dad quickly noticed my surprise and quickly pushed my diaper down averting any potential disaster. I let the geyser flow and did a pretty good job of completely soaking this wimpy newborn diaper. I was pretty satisfied with Dad’s performance and was thinking I was in pretty good hands afterall. Then as Dad was making the final preparations, I noticed that he made a critical mistake and completely took his eye off my “water spout”. So I decided to see how fast Dad could react to surprise encore performance.
Well I don’t want to be too rough on the guy, but lets just put it this way. Mom came running out of the bathroom because she heard this little baby screaming at the top of his lungs only to find out the noise was coming from Dad. Somehow in the chaos Dad thought that lifting my rear end up in the air was going to somehow remedy the problem. Well, instead of just having a little pee running down my stomach I ended up with it on my head, face, chest, shirt, hat, all my blankets, the entire bassinet, and a good portion of the floor.
Let’s hope he’s a quick learner